


Connection

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, Kagerou (Band), Merry (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Empathy, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some things that can never change... and some that will eternally do nothing <i>but</i> change. For me, Kyo has always been the constant. The variation has been everything else, always moving around me, flitting from one thing to the next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [psycho-in-hate](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=psycho-in-hate), [icamonster](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=icamonster), [galhea](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=galhea), [crabbyhands](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=crabbyhands).



> Prompt: Possible ABO, roadie time with deg for power play, or after Daisuke’s death for tragedy. Choose one and go with it.  
> Beta Readers: gothic_hime  
> Song[s]: "Tell Me Goodbye" by Big Bang

Gara POV

There are some things that can never change... and some that will eternally do nothing _but_ change. For me, Kyo has always been the constant. The variation has been everything else, always moving around me, flitting from one thing to the next. The people changing, the world meandering past. And yet... Kyo has always been here, a part of my life like no one else has ever been.

When I’m down he seems to sense it, as though he has a radar in place for only my emotions. Even when he’s been halfway across the globe, he’s known when I’m feeling completely down in the dumps. But tonight... it’s something different in the air. I feel as though the world is closing in on me and yet, I cannot identify the reason for it. I have nothing to be so upset about, but my mind feels like it’s dying a slow and painful death, my heart feels as though it’s shattering.

The hours pass me by and I find myself curled up on the sofa in the darkening room, sadness slicing through me like a knife. My phone rings in my lap and I reach down to pick it up, squinting at it in the semi-darkness. Kyo’s name reads across the screen, the tiny letters taunting me in the midst of this pain. After a few moments of struggle, I press the button to answer the call, lifting the phone to my ear. It feels like the effort of a century and I feel somehow even more alone, even with this light in the darkness.

I don’t have to say a word, and for a long few moments, neither does he. But when he does, it’s an agonizing breath that he takes before he speaks. “He’s dead.” For those first few moments, I find myself in shock, find myself almost scared as to what he means. What has he done? Has he taken his own life from us and is calling in me in those last few moments? Or does he mean someone else?

When I finally find my voice, I can barely understand myself. “Who?” Cracked and broken, my own internal struggle brought to the forefront.

“Daisuke.” The name rips from his throat like the most bitter pain and the thin, keening wail he lets loose just after has my heart shattered, broken upon the floor of my being. There’s a brief moment, I consider the tall guitarist of Dir en grey and then I realize that’s not who he’s ever called Daisuke. No... he’s always been Die and probably always will be, even to his last breath on this earth, I’m certain that’s how Kyo will refer to him. And thus, it leaves me only with the option of Kyo’s close friend and confidant... the third member of our long-past posse. 

My breath huffs out and I finally let go of the tears I’ve been holding in all night, understanding at long last that this pain is not my own. This pain is Kyo’s. It is the world’s. And I’m wearing it upon my shoulders to allow some breath of life back into those crushed by the loss of a dear part of their lives. “Where are you?” I breathe out.

“Home,” he returns and I find that I understand this better than an address.

“Stay there.” I disconnect the line and push myself up from my couch, grabbing my bag and mopping my face with a few tissues, stuffing the rest of the box into my bag. I leave my house in record time, bursting out the door and rushing down the stairs. I hail a taxi and I give the address to Dir en grey’s studio. I know it sounds strange that that’s where Kyo calls home; to him it’s where he can go and feel any small amount of comfort. When he’s at his house, all he can feel is the vast abyss of loneliness that floats in his soul. He becomes the broken shell of a man and it crushes him tighter than anything else.

It’s a ten minute ride, the driver sensing my urgency and uncaring about the speed at this time of the night. I feed my card into the machine and slip out of the car, rushing in the main doors and getting into the elevator, punching the button for their floor. The minutes slip past and finally the doors open on their floor. The sight I find isn’t one I expected. Kyo’s sitting on the floor beside the elevator, his knees drawn up to his chest and his cheek resting on them. His eyes are red-rimmed and I know he’s been crying for hours. I kneel there, dropping my bag on the floor, and take him into my arms, cradling his body as he breaks down completely. His fingers cling to me, his tears wetting my shirt, and I take it all in from him, absorb a part of his pain as my own. 

His cracked wail rents the air and I find my heart breaking. And it’s in that very moment that I understand: I’m in love with this man.

**The End**


End file.
